That’s right! We’ve finally come to the conclusion that Bin Laden is dead… or alive. I, for one, am certainly glad he isn’t some kind of zombie especially that of the flesh/brain eating variety.
With the recent growth in popularity of zombies noted by such films (Land of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Dawn and Shaun of the Dead ect) and games (Dead Rising and Resident Evil series) it’s imperative to know who exactly is a zombie and whom is not. It’s also important to note that although experts agree that he is not currently a zombie we should not bring our guard down because there is no telling if he will or will not be one in the future.
It has been a huge debate over his possible zombification, but it has become very clear Bin Laden is not a zombie. One major hint zombie experts (also know as zombologists) noticed was his speech in the many videos he has produced. Zombies never speak, they only growl and moan.
One of the many reasons officials are afraid of Bin Laden being a zombie is that he’ll infect others creating a zombie army of soldiers who are willing to undie for their beliefs. Terrorism in America would skyrocket and that’s not good for the economy.
America’s Latest Threat: Raccoons
By Mattbert
Recently in Olympia, WA., there has been a gang of raccoons terrorizing the city. Thus far, at least 10 cats have been killed, one person bitten, and even a dog attacked by these creatures.
Many residents of the area have found different ways to cope with the problem. Many people started carrying mace and the person who was bitten now carries a metal pipe. One family bought an attack dog to protect themselves. Also, two residents, Tamara Keeton and Kari Hall, have joined forces to start a raccoon watch after a neighborhood meeting in which over 40 people attended. “They’re urban raccoons, and they’re not afraid,” said Tamara. I’ll have to disagree with Tamara’s comments though. I think this is just a mistake of identity and not just a new breed of “urban raccoons”. Raccoons are fun-loving creatures that are known for their appearance and also their sly and mischievous behavior, but not for attacking. There is also another creature which has similar traits and appearance. It’s a pokemon called zigzagoon.
Notice the similarities in appearance? I thought so. As we all know, from watching episode 13 of the Pokemon anime, titled “Here Come the Squirtle Squad”, wild pokemon sometimes gather together in gangs to terrorize local cities, which is what I believe is happening here.It’s a serious threat we face and mace, metal pipes, and even attacking dogs won’t help us. What we truly need are skilled pokemon trainers to help stopped these zigzagoons from causing anymore troubles. If you are a pokemon trainer remember to carry a strong fighting type pokemon in your party at all times (zigzagoons are normal type pokemon which are weak towards fighting) such as breloom or machop. One good fighting attack should do the trick, but be careful of zigzagoon’s sand-attack.
Troubling times are ahead if we can’t stop the zigzagoon. Until we can solve this problem, I urge you to stay safe.
5 Things to do at your Local Bookstore
By Mattbert and Rodrigo
1) Move the bibles from the religion section to the fiction section. (See how long it takes for the associates to kick you out for that.)
2) Have a book fight. (There’s nothing quite like throwing a heavy hardcover book at your friend’s head.)
3) Book Burnings. (Test the durability of the books against weather. You never know when it’ll rain fire (or Nazis) next.)
4) Read some books. (You can read books that tell you what to do at local bookstores. To find out more about this topic, visit your local library and read up on it.)
5) Buy hundreds of books. (You’re going to need them to make a fort against those zigzagoons.)
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